Final exams are officially over.  I'm done with my junior year in college. I know this is a passing feeling, and I'll be a real senior next sem. Ha-har! I will be graduating soon. One year to go. So long to the institution, to its green fields. So long suckers!

But for now, I'm too tired and too bored to do anything but read Neverwhere and go online. Let me humor you with a survey from Kang.


THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Cor
2. Corin
3. (I will not write my real name. If you really know me, you've probably seen my ID.)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hair
2. My eyes
3. My hands

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Legs
2. My flabs
3. My disproportionate upper body with boxer arms (sabi ni kuya)

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Filipino
2. Spanish
3. Portuguese

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Nightmares
2. Lack of air
3. Closed spaces

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Cellphone
2. Lip gloss (vain)
3. Glasses (need to see what I'm reading)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING NOW:
1. T-shirt
2. Shorts
3. Underwear (bahay mode)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (RIGHT NOW):
1. Bright Eyes
2. Paul Buchanan
3. Badly Drawn Boy

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (RIGHT NOW):
1. Todd Rundgren - Can We Still Be Friends
2. Bright Eyes - Poison Oak
3. Kings of Convenience - The Build-Up

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Love
2. Understanding
3. funny-ness, kasabawan-ness, random-ness, NESZ*.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:
1. I'm perfectly straight.
2. I want my breasts augmented.
3. I used to play the violin.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Broad shoulders
2. Sexy eye brows
3. Nice voice (message me if you want the whole list. lol. XD)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Taking photos
2. Surfing the net
3. Voyeurism XD

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Buy new strings for my old guitar.
2. Get some new clothes too.
3. Just go out with friends and have a crazy night.

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING/YOU’VE CONSIDERED:
1. film maker?
2. advertising: creative director?
3. radio DJ?
..whatta future I have ah. ^^;;

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Italy
2. France
3. Brazil

THREE NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Pandora
2. Andrea
3. Seth

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Live a year in London (if possible, below)
2. Go sky-diving
3. have a kid/ have kids

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I get bored with my hair. (gusto ko magpa-kulot)
2. I like wearing stilettos.
3. I'm very particular with the kind of make-up and clothes I wear.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I don't enjoy wearing skirts.
2. I slouch and walk like a school boy.
3. I cuss like a guy.

THREE PEOPLE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. Anyone.
2. If you want to,
3. go!

I got to watch that indie film by The Dawn, "Tulad ng Dati". I actually liked the story. Well, not entirely. I think what really got me was the insight. Eto, ganito kasimple:

Anong ginagawa sa bagay
na nawawala,
'di mahanap,
hindi mapalitan,
at 'di malimutan?

Tinatanggap.

I'm hanging on to the fact that I've got 2 weeks left before this semester ends. I don't think I'll enjoy a real vacation this year since I'm supposed to be having my OJT this summer. And while I worry about a load of things I have to finish, I have to rush looking for probable companies that can accept me for any training position.

Writing about it, suddenly it doesn't seem such a big deal. It's actually quite simple. Get an endorsement letter, write a resume, get your ID picture taken, and send all important files to a company for application. Then, wait for the company to reply if they will accept you. Since you're not sure which company will reply, you might wanna give your files to at least 3 more companies. And again, wait for their reply. Easy? Well, no. If I fail to get my OJT, I would most likely graduate a little later. I'm feeling lazy, but since its such a huge hassle to take it next year, I'll just try to get over this now. That's college life for you.

It suddenly seems so trivial, to tell you the truth, having to worry about this sort of thing. It gets dragging (even depressing) especially when you have a lot of time to think about it on your own. Feels pathetic after a while of being concerned over the same thing. Nakakasuka. Funny how I remember feeling this way when I was in high school. It was around the same time, just before graduation. Only now, its worse.

What more in the real world? But, that's it. I think I'm feeling anxious because I know I'm graduating soon. My older  friends say it will come sooner than I think. Yeah, yeah, we'll all get there anyway. But, well, I don't know. I do try to make adjustments, I compromise, I try to be flexible. Heck. Okay, okay. I'll admit it. I just don't like change. Yeah, sucks. And this is the actual transition. I'm just not feeling too good about it.

Well, let me move away from school concerns. I got to hear about how other people are doing, those I have not seen for a very long time. I'm talking about my ninong. I remember what a wise and stable guy he was. He always had the right things to say at the right time. I even wished back then that he could be my real dad. My ninong was the kind of adult I could have a decent conversation with, without being misunderstood. And at that time, it was hard to find adults who would really listen to me. He helped me be a better person just by being there.


I just don't know what happened to him. I heard from my mom around a few years back that he's been going through a rough time in his life. I wish I had more time to talk to him. The last time I got to see him was around 3 years ago, and I could remember he even said we should go out and catch up on old times.

I just can't say how disappointed and sad I am about what happened lately. It's heartbreaking. I always thought he was a good man. Of all the people in the world, I never thought he'd end up like that. Its too much for me to know, I don't even want to see him right now. He changed and I know he's not the same person I used to confide in 6 years ago.

Anyway, I don't know. I'll say it again, I don't like change. Or, in this case, I don't like people who change in such a bad way. I can only think about how I don't want to end up like him. If you notice, I have a hard time processing things like this. In any case, I do care about him.  But then, I don't want to think about him anymore. That's his life, his choice. I'm have my own life to live.

Many have pondered so much
on what it means to be free.
We are all afflicted with disorder,
and for many reasons they are dismissed.
How you know the cigarettes you burn
will scar your lungs and arrest your breathing.
Dare it to come soon, not at once, with hope
of more delay. With every stick shared to us,
you claim selflessness. As we take in smoke
and smell the ash, it reminds me of birth,
but more of the inevitable coming of death.
Notice how it rains while the day is bright
and the sun does not hide its face.
There must be something wrong today.
As you say, this is the normal course of things.
Time knows no sympathy, only careless passing.
And in all of observance, this must be the simplest:
Examining the damage. I looked long enough
to determine the patterns, its cause, the intricacy
of it all. It isn't hard to know, but to understand.

When you just can't wait.


Urbandub "First of Summer"